So I have had a rough week. I have been fighting myself in my head all week and Im exhausted. Had Monday and Tuesday off sick (not sick persay but very tired). Slept 12 hours both days.. still trained of course. Actually did an ass kicking legs session on Monday followed by a relaxing steam. When I thought I couldnt do another rep I squeezed out another 3. And im still sore today. Recovery is still taking alot longer then 'normal'. The only thing I can think of that is different is that I am not taking any sups except Protein Powder. Might need to work back in the Glutamine and Xtend. And you know what is worse - I have these sups at home, Ive just been to lazy to use them.

Had a few comments lately that have really thrown me for 6. Both came at work actually.
'Cheryl - are you using steriods again? your shoulders are looking huge'.
Now my first reaction was wow, thats great.. big shoulders=growth=good little Body Builder.
But the girl in me says HUGE?? is that a good thing.
The next week a girl says 'Cheryl is it a compliment if I tell you that you have the biggest thighs I have ever seen?'..
My first reaction was .. Yes thats I compliment.. followed by 'oh god.. thunder thighs??'

I am at odds with myself. I guess the Bodybuilder in me is happy about my muscular (and too high a fat percentage) size. But there is still the girl in me who doesnt want to be the biggest girl in the room. Does that make sense?

Food wise I think my diet has been so much better then when I was dieting with my food choices. I am eating more but Im chosing the better options. Food is no longer in my every thought and am happy with how that size is going.. Then insecure Cheryl pips in with "You really shouldnt eat all that - you need to loose weight".
These few months are proving to be a roller coaster of thoughts. I guess when you take away the goal of getting on stage I now have more 'thought' time to drive myself made. I feel that I dont actually have a goal.. Am I trying to put on my muscle or am I trying to drop weight??

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend full of smiles and laughter. I will cause I choose to.