So I have had a rough week. I have been fighting myself in my head all week and Im exhausted. Had Monday and Tuesday off sick (not sick persay but very tired). Slept 12 hours both days.. still trained of course. Actually did an ass kicking legs session on Monday followed by a relaxing steam. When I thought I couldnt do another rep I squeezed out another 3. And im still sore today. Recovery is still taking alot longer then 'normal'. The only thing I can think of that is different is that I am not taking any sups except Protein Powder. Might need to work back in the Glutamine and Xtend. And you know what is worse - I have these sups at home, Ive just been to lazy to use them.

Had a few comments lately that have really thrown me for 6. Both came at work actually.
'Cheryl - are you using steriods again? your shoulders are looking huge'.
Now my first reaction was wow, thats great.. big shoulders=growth=good little Body Builder.
But the girl in me says HUGE?? is that a good thing.
The next week a girl says 'Cheryl is it a compliment if I tell you that you have the biggest thighs I have ever seen?'..
My first reaction was .. Yes thats I compliment.. followed by 'oh god.. thunder thighs??'

I am at odds with myself. I guess the Bodybuilder in me is happy about my muscular (and too high a fat percentage) size. But there is still the girl in me who doesnt want to be the biggest girl in the room. Does that make sense?

Food wise I think my diet has been so much better then when I was dieting with my food choices. I am eating more but Im chosing the better options. Food is no longer in my every thought and am happy with how that size is going.. Then insecure Cheryl pips in with "You really shouldnt eat all that - you need to loose weight".
These few months are proving to be a roller coaster of thoughts. I guess when you take away the goal of getting on stage I now have more 'thought' time to drive myself made. I feel that I dont actually have a goal.. Am I trying to put on my muscle or am I trying to drop weight??

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend full of smiles and laughter. I will cause I choose to.

Friday sweet Friday

So I have reach another Friday. This week went super fast and I feel like I haven't stopped all week. All in all this has not been the greatest for eating well. And it just comes down to slackness. My days I have eaten all my meals - all healthy and nutrishous.. but at night I have been unorganised. Too busy running around to prepare a healthy dinner. A protein shake and toast is not dinner. So my new focus this week will be to take time to cook dinner before I run off again.

The weekend plan... finally I have a night off work for a friends birthday tonight. So heading out straight from work. Having dinner and drinks out at a Restaurant/Bar in Adelaide. I group from work are going and they are a great funny bunch so looking forward to it. But 3 drink Maximum will be in effect tonight. Training with H tomorrow morning and it will not do to be under 100%.

You will be pleased to know that I have been doing walks this week. Even in the pouring rain Wednesday. Does anyone else do the Corporate Cup. Well - work has a team entered and we do a 4.5km course. Your team gets points for the biggest improvement. Well first day of the even we are expecting Thunderstorms and hail. Yep there is me with a monster golf umbrella walking around this track. I was covered in mud and my shoes and socks were soaked. I thought it was funny for about 5 minutes of the 45min walk. On the plus side at least I will improve my time next week - it is very hard to walk at a decent pace with an umbrella.

I hope eveyone has a great weekend - to the girls (and boys) going to Mildura - train hard and focus.. not long now
XXX

Howdy all,

Well the weekend is over and Im back sitting at my desk. The weekend was pretty un eventful. Got up very early Sat morning after working till late to help my parents out with their Garage sale. I hate garage sales. Really dont like strangers going through my parents belongings and bartering over 50 cents for a crystal vase. I decided alot of the better stuff we should try and sell on ebay rather then sell it for $1. Woops i think I volunteered myself for that job.

I got saved from the sale by training with H. We spoke earlier that morning and after I confessed my weight he surprised me with his response. Now this man does not mince his words (although he is working on his tact). He has left me stung many times with his critic on my 'progress' while training for comps. So I say "H I weight 75kg". He says "You wear it well - You carry it well. Not sure where your hiding the extra kg". I nearly dropped the phone. We have come along way from "Hot body but to fat to compete". I was so pleased with his response I was amped to get in and train hard. It has made me think.. yes I have along way to go. But do I look terrible and should I feel horrible - NO. I look strong, I am strong. Now lets get down to work.
Had a killer session and ended it with some nasty walking lunges (secretly love them - dont tell). I have problems with my lower back - generally due to tight hips and a weak back so normally have issues squating alot but I was vry pleased with my effort and no pain.. Until today but i think it might be due to sitting on a bar stall for 3 1/2 hours yesterday. But that is for latter.

Worked Sat night and had a great convo about training with a security gaurd I work with. very interesting listening to others opinions about competing.

Sunday went to the farmers market but I think I got there too late. All the Chicken was sold (the man said they just flew out this morning - I said that I wanted dead chooks anyway and not ones that can fly - we giggled). Did pick up some free range Steak and eggs though - yumm.
I spent the afternoon with a guy I was friends with 6 years ago. He looked me up on face book and I thought - why not. Well - 3 1/2 hours later I had said my good byes and peeling myself of the stool. Siding without a back to my chair for that long has left me in alot of pain today. Trying to organise a massage - always helps.

Food went well on the weekend. Got all my veg in (Good girl Cheryl). Got rid of the dairy again - I am lactose intolerant but just keep persisting in trying to eat cheese (not a very good idea). Still having natural yoghurt which i make myself I am less bloated for it. All in all - im ready for a good week.